Sunday, September 26, 2010

Surviving Divorce After 40

In He’s History, You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After 40, Erica
Manfred shares her own divorce experience, as well as the advice of
experts, with specific sections tailored to women in their 40s, 50s,
and 60s.


was left for a younger woman in 2003, and eventually learned to both
survive and thrive.  After educating herself in the areas many women
have barely even thought of when considering divorce, she is the kind
of girlfriend a woman needs when facing both menopause and the trauma
of divorce.  She can help save divorcees lots of anguish, and lots of


HE’S HISTORY, YOU’RE NOT discusses how to:

·         Avoid “kiss of death” marriage counselors to determine if reconciliation is possible.

·         Find an affordable divorce lawyer who does not snort scornfully at the word “mediation.”

·         Survive the first, worst, year.

·         Deal with your adult or teen kids (who can be just as devastated as small children).

·         Get back to work or find a new career.  (Age discrimination does not have to stop you.)

·         Use the Internet to date the Viagra generation.

·         Restore your self-esteem despite body parts that have succumbed to gravity.

·         Forgive the bastard (and yourself) and finally move on…and much more.

Read more...He's History, You're Not: Surviving Divorce After 40

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Why Women Choose To Divorce?

By James Wallis

The high proportion of divorces filed in the UK by women reflects just the domiciled population. Apart from this, ‘divorce tourism’ has really captured the imagination, heart and purse strings of European wives who are flying down to file divorce against rich husbands in this country, supposedly to get a more favourable judgement.

Needless to say, the press is enjoying all the hullabaloo. So are women divorcing because that is an infallible, legally acceptable and socially credible get-rich quick scheme? It seems that there is a great dark shadow beneath all this limelight. While the multimillionaire wives get to flash their smiles and billionaire husbands on front pages on divorce, there is a huge population of women who are being pressed into divorce by circumstances that are far from complimentary.

The Casanova Streak

An unfaithful husband is not welcome by women in the UK, or for that matter, anywhere else. Among all the cases of infidelity registered here, the men had been to blame in 75% of the cases. The majority is just too staggering, and is apparently on the rise! Most of the wives surveyed by the government responded by stating that they prefer giving a second chance if the husband owns it up on his own. Unfortunately, in most of the cases, the wife either discovers her man in the act, or hears it from others, or employs detectives to find it out. The common reaction is a kind of knee-jerk effect – the wife just packs her bags and leaves with the children in tow. Most women are in no mood to ‘discuss’ it again if they discover that they have been cheated. Most husbands complicate and worsen matters by trying to either make excuses or buy peace or shift the blame.

Mutual Consent

The amicable divorce is fast becoming the new favourite in the UK. This does not mean that we have become drastically peace-loving and dispassionate as a nation. It merely means that people would rather spend less getting divorced than blow their cash on the last great quarrel together. If the couple manage to strike up a deal where mutual consent has been reached over as many factors as possible, then the least amount of money would be spent. The real reason behind the divorce may be something quite different, but most women are anyway under great economic constraint when they divorce, so they can’t afford to drag on with it.

Physical and Emotional Abuse

It is a matter of deep shame that the rate of abuse – both physical and emotional is on the rise in the UK. Most of the perpetrators of violence at home are males in the age group between twenty-five to fifty and who take complete advantage of their powerful economic and social position to subdue the family. An abusive husband almost never spares the children either. Physical abuse has still had some publicity, but there is an abysmal lack of awareness on emotional abuse, including among those who should be upholding the law. Many men sponge up all the resources of the family, drowning the money in drinking or lavish hobbies while the family suffers. Many women who are well-placed economically become burdened with jealous and abusive husbands who nevertheless do not want to give an easy divorce because they want the money. Sometimes the violence is bad enough for a criminal offence to be launched, and it is unbelievable that man can fall to such an extent.

The Empty Nest

Children are often the greatest cementing factor in a marriage. There are women who stay on in an otherwise disadvantageous match solely because of the children. But the kids grow up one day and fly the nest, and then there is no need to hold on to the shells of a marriage that is quite hollow. This is known as the empty nest syndrome and is very common in almost all countries including the East now, especially in Japan. What is the woman supposed to do when she’s done with being a great mother and an able wife? Many women in their late forties are striking out on their own to find a life by themselves and do things that they always wanted to, but never had the chance to do.

So women divorce for all kinds of reasons, and some are highlighted, while others remain perpetually neglected.

About the Author: James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see


Permanent Link:

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Useful Advice For Women Going Through Divorce

Women are on a regular basis more favored in a divorce setting than men are. Women arguably, get their hands on the most excellent part of the deal. In a number of rare situations, men obtain custody of the little toddlers during a custody ruling. To be informed of what may be the situation with you, seek divorce advice prior to, during and even following the process.

A strong circle of friends and their advice will be very much wanted during and after a divorce. Without somebody to talk to during and after ending your marriage, you might end up feeling on your own and entertain unwise thoughts. Dont just make use of your friends to be strong .strive to appreciate them for their pains also.

Adopting a meditative exercise can help you to refocus your opinions on the things that certainly count. Yoga has been known to lend a hand to a lot of individuals who are contending with or have gone through a divorce. Exercise such as yoga lend a hand to you to strengthen and balance out your mental energy. This is one of the recommendations that majority of individuals dont like to listen to but it does work quite well.

You may be tempted to become self destructive after a hurting divorce. Not eating, smoking or partying too much can be self destructive behavior divorced people take up. Recall that whichever self destructive habit you take on because of a divorce will backfire on you.

The reality of being separated can be similar to a cold slap on your face. It can be hard to live alone after living with somebody for so long. If you donĂ¢€™t accept the reality of your divorce, you may find yourself living in the past for the rest of your life. And this is the wrong way to live because you will end up being more frustrated than how you were during the last stages of the process.

Dont misuse time worrying while in the middle of a divorce, as a replacement, take up again a optimistic thought pattern and stick to it. Remember, nervousness never does solve anything.

A divorce creates a lot of disorder in the lives of the human beings involved. To make sure that you walk out of the process with your heart intact, compromise and shun playing fierce tricks.

About the Author

It matters not how much you think you are aware regarding tips such as Free Divorce Advice as well as Divorce Advice For Men, visit Ras Reed's website and be amazed with really revealing info.

Divorce Tips For Women

If you are really considering starting divorce proceedings then it is essential that you are well prepared before actually commencing them. By doing this it will make the whole process go a lot more smoothly and cause you less stress and pain as well. Also be well prepared will ensure that you can make more sound and informed decisions about your future life.

The most important factor in getting divorced is finding the right lawyer who will guide you in the right direction and look after your best interests. The best way of making sure you find a suitable lawyer is to look for a recommendation from someone you trust that has used the same lawyer before.

Before you even begin divorce proceedings start placing in claims for those benefits which you are legally entitled to. If you earn a low income and staying in the marital home is crucial because you have children, then speak to the local housing authority to see if they have any benefit schemes that you entitled to make a claim for.

Get divorce tips for women from other women and divorce lawyers. No one knows better what you are going through than some one who has been there already. Get a good lawyer, not a cheap one, the best you can afford, and be sure you feel comfortable with them. You will be spending a lot of time working with the lawyer and the last thing you need is for them to be another source of stress in this difficult time.

If you have just been served papers or you have been in going through divorce and its turning into a battle, then the best advice divorce tips for women are to start taking action and know that there are many unknown things you can do to fight for your rights and belongings. There are rules to divorce but as you may have already discovered your spouse may not be following them

One of the biggest and most common mistakes made by persons who are going through a divorce is that of placing all of the blame on your spouse. Do not blame your husband entirely for the divorce. It takes two to get married and it takes two to get divorced. Try to recognize your role in the divorce, and your contributions to the marital problems.

Protect your credit.

Divorce can be messy in the area of money. Check your credit report as soon as the D-word is mentioned, and monitor it throughout for any changes. It is also a good idea to close any joint accounts and reopen them as individual accounts on your own..

Make sure that any credit cards you have in joint names with your ex are cancelled. Otherwise your partner may choose to use these to run up huge amounts of debt which need to be repaid by you both or by you alone. The more credit cards you have the harder it will be to actually get your credit score back on a level and good footing.

About the Author

Read About Beauty Tips Also Read About Styling Your Hair Extension and Tips For Your First Date

Monday, August 23, 2010

Divorced And Penniless

Divorced And Penniless - Why It Can Happen To You

Cathi Adams ©All Rights Reserved

What you do not know can actually harm you badly. The truth is that even as you continue to regularly read about those hefty divorce settlements celebrities are getting all the time, some divorce lawyers are fighting back - and succeeding. The result is that you could end up not only nursing the emotional wounds of a divorce but also having to cope with a situation where you are virtually penniless.

It is happening all the time these days and you can be sure that the double burden of juggling the financials and your bruised emotions is definitely something you do not want to go through. There is really only one thing you can do, and that is prepare for divorce now rather than later. Just like a nation fully prepares and arms itself to the teeth for war in peacetime, every woman should prepare and arm themselves fully for divorce while still in a happy marriage.

Most nations who prepare well for war often find that they do not have to fight and in the same way a smart woman who prepares for any eventuality of divorce will often find that because of her preparations, divorce can be avoided.

Many good-natured wives currently happily married do not even want to think of the prospect of a divorce. These women are sitting ducks for a situation where they could suddenly find themselves out in the cold, penniless and divorced. That equally good-natured loving husband of many years is no different from other loving husbands who have suddenly and casually made the totally unexpected remark one evening after supper, "I want a divorce." Can you imagine starting to make your plans at that time? When the shock alone can take you several days to recover from? You will hardly be in a position to think clearly enough to hire the right attorney to fight for a decent settlement. This is exactly the sort of scenario that can land you into big financial trouble.

All through the history of mankind, women have been known for their ability to prepare for events. The wise modern woman will also prepare and protect herself for any situation that will arise in the event of her marriage taking an unexpected turn.


Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women
Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure
financial security to woman faced with the possibility of
Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must
Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce:

The Beauty of Single Parenting

The Beauty of Single Parenting (Every Cloud DOES have a Silver Lining)

Cathi Adams © All Rights Reserved

I miss being married. I miss the things we used to do. I
wish our differences didn't bring us to divorce... BUT they
did so.... I have to do my best to deal with the cards I
have been dealt. I do this by focusing on the good in my
life now, cherishing the time I spend with my son, living my
life to the fullest, and making my own rules.

My son was 3 when I got divorced so he wasn't at the age to
establish any homework patterns yet. But he went to a school
that gave homework at an early age so by the time he was 6
we had homework to do every night. I think that is where the
term "nightmare" was born.

It was horrible. I would get off work at 5:00 and get home
at 6:00 pm. Then I would make dinner and by 7:00 we sat down
to start homework.

Unfortunately, by then he was exhausted from a long day at
school and in no mood to sit and do work. That's when the
fighting would start. I just didn't know what to do. The
last thing I wanted to do when I got home from a long day at
work was to fight with my son. The last thing he wanted to
do after a long day at school was homework. Neither of us
was in the mood for anything but rest which, unfortunately
for us, was not an option.

I read everything I could and tried everything I read.
Nothing worked for me. Getting his homework done was a
horrible event. At the other end of the spectrum, there
seemed to be paradise at my ex's home. He is remarried with
a "stay-at-home" wife (a wonderful woman) who is there every day when the
children arrive home from school. She lets them have a quick
snack and then it's homework time. They are done with all
their work by the time their father gets home and life is
good for them. At least that is what his wife said when she
called me to ask why my son does homework at my house at 7:00
pm. "They" (she is speaking for herself and my ex)
feel he should be doing his homework at 4:00 at
my home like he does at "her" home. Hey, I wish that too...
but in reality it is impossible for me in my current setup.

I am not sure they understand that. While I do have someone
at home who stays with my son until I arrive home from work,
she is not an authoritative figure that demands control of
my son. My son needs someone who "demands". She is just not
that type but she keeps him safe until I arrive home from
work so, for me, it "works".

Even if the caregiver could do homework with my son, I am
not sure I would be happy with that. I want to be here with
my son when he does his school work. I want to know what he
is good at or what he is struggling in. I want to help him
in his studies if he needs it. To me, that is the essence of
being a mother. Helping with school work... I know there is
so much more but at this age this is a big area - and I want
to be involved. Is that so wrong?

So what ended up happening and eventually solved our problem
was this: It got so late at night and his homework wasn't
finished so I ended up having him go to sleep, then I would
wake him in the morning to finish, and guess what happened?
He would wake up and do his homework without any fighting!
He was rested and able to focus and complete the tasks
accurately and quickly.

It took me a while to realize I had options but once I did I
thought - Who says a child HAS to do his homework at night?
It's called "homework" not "nightwork" True he is home at
night BUT he is also home in the morning, so if that works
better why shouldn't I give it a try?

So a new rule was born. If he had a test we would review the
material at night and again in the morning but written work
was done in the morning. If he needed to get up half an hour
early to get it done - he did. All of a sudden the fighting
seemed to stop. Peace once again filled my home. Life is
good now.

The point here is that when you are alone YOU can make the
rules in your home and they don't have to be what the "rest
of the world" is doing. They are doing what works for them
and you have to do what works for you.

It bothers me that my routine is so different from the
routine at his dad's house but in my search for an answer I
have sought the advice of psychologists and they say it is
perfectly OK to have different routines in each home as long
as you are consistent in each of your routines.

This current arrangement is so far from the way I thought I
would be raising my son but as long as I am not hurting him
and it works I will continue to do what's best for "us".
It's hard to think outside the box but sometimes life
commands different solutions and you have to adapt to them
and go with the flow.


Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women
Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure
financial security to woman faced with the possibility of
Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must
Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce:

CAUTION: Many of These Divorce Secrets for Women Are Almost Too Powerful To Release!

Making the Decision to Divorce

Making the Decision to Divorce--Why Planning and Preparation are
Essential to Your Financial Future

Cathi Adams © All Rights Reserved

Do you believe in "Happily ever after" or "Until Death Do Us

From the time we are little girls, women are taught to believe in
the fairy tale union of a man and a woman who love each other.
Many women never let go of the fantasy, and when they find the
man they want to marry, the end caption on their lives seems like
it will be, "And they lived happily ever after." Unfortunately,
statistics show that at least 50% of all marriages end in
divorce. Some women are left without important job skills and
barely enough money to support themselves, much less several

I find it interesting that women plan for earthquakes and floods,
fire and medical emergencies, spending thousands of dollars to
insure themselves against catastrophic events that have low odds
of ever occurring, yet they fail to plan for the highly possible
event of divorce. Of course, no woman wants to think that her
marriage will be the one out of two that ends in divorce, but
when the signs begin to present themselves, planning for divorce
is as important as trying to save the marriage. Your future
depends on it. Let me ask you...

Do you know the answers to these questions?

1. How much does your husband make?
2. What does his retirement plan offer?
3. How much does he have in savings?
4. What are his investments?
5. Where are his investments?
5. What does the family owe on mortgage, business debt and credit

These are just some of the questions you need to find answers to.
Most importantly, you need to know these answers BEFORE you
announce your decision to divorce.

This information is essential to getting what you deserve in the
settlement, so don’t leave home without it.

So when it comes down to making the final decision to divorce,
quell any urge to scream "This marriage is over!" pack your bags
and slam the door on your way out. The final decision to
leave takes time, and to announce your decision also
takes time and preparation. With the right planning and
preparation, you can save money to pay the lawyer, fund your
living expenses, and give yourself a positive financial future.


Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women
Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure
financial security to woman faced with the possibility of
Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must
Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: